Beans

What if today was the day? The day when the book ended and a new book was opened and you were the author? What the story be? How would it end and how would the next story begin? How awesome would it be if life were to be just that simple? Forget and move on.  Be strong and resilient. And for most that is so easy and just that simple. How I wish it could be that simple. Every night. I am up late. I don't sleep. I haven't slept in years...a solid nights sleep... Only on a rare occasion can I sleep safe and sound...i cherish those night. I hold on tight and love them dearly. I'm starting to think I'm a lost cause. I mean maybe I am. I may really only be able to raise my daughter. I don't think I can recover from this inside, if my love is going to wait thinking I am going to.... I'm scared for her. Hell I'm scared for me. I can hardly breath most days. Yesterday I did have a tiny victory. I didn't run away, at a time when I normally would've. Instead of running I was mapping out routes and locations.... Yeah not a huge victory but I still didn't run, I stayed put and kept a level head. I'm trying to  meditate. I'm still not seeing any other huge wins. I don't think I'm worth a hill of beans. But hopefully I can figure out how to do this.