Falling.....

There's a twist in my story this could be a good life.

I thought it was impossible to find someone like you. 

Your love and your heart is safe with me. 

I just want to be in your presence

So if I lay here, will you lay here with me, can we just forget the world?

In your presence, I can just let it go, 

a little bit at a time.  You make it so easy to just it all go.

when you touch me like you do, you best believe I'm yours.
I sometimes do not know how to say what I'm feeling

I don't dare say out loud for fear someone will hear me...
that with each passing day I think I'm .... 

75%

I can bury the past, i can climb any mountain. I can run faster than anyone. I can shoot myself in the foot.  But when she asks to see other 75% and she says loves the 25% but says how can she fall if she doesn't see the 75%....Im afraid...what if she doesn't...what if she doesn't....what if they were right?  how to let go of the dark, I'll let go and sing in the dark...stand really still....but if they were right?  I can get the shovel, I can my boots on or my running shoes...or ....maybe....we are better off for all those we let in....

Something Great

One day you'll say we are better off together than apart.Someday we'll be together like I how I imagined.Someday I'll walk into your world and get it right and I'll say we're better off together here tonight.  I want something great and I want you. I want you here with me just like how I've picture it, so I don't have to keep imagining it. I want you to bring your everything, is it much to ask? You're all I want, so much its hurting, but it's you i'll ever want. 

So rare

Its something rare to find someone 

To find someone more precious than a friend

Someone who's laugh inspires a smile

I don't know how our lives will blend,

I can't tell what the future holds

These moments are forming special episodes,

But I can say with certainty that something from inside

Keeps telling me I'm glad you've decided to come along for the ride.

Walking this road with someone to share life's joys and disappointments 

Someone to enjoy and celebrate even the little triumphs

Give away

In order to start a new life I have to be willing to give the old life away.

Done.

why me? Why not.

Why?  How many times have I asked my self why me? Not out of pity, but why? When We are out shopping and she starts to tantrum because she heard the word no, I ask myself why me?  I see the disapproving glares.  When we are out with friends and she refuses to interact and I find myself at the receiving end of advice and comparable stories. I can feel the tension, the uneasiness that hangs in the air... I ask myself why me?  When I refuse invitations to attend gatherings or I find myself rearranging my schedule as to avoid going out to the store.  All because her behavior is unpredictable, and I'm not sure how she'll cope.  It all leaves me exhausted. At the end of the day I ask myself the question why me?  But as I fall asleep I know the answer.  Because I can.  Because I will never give up.  Because deep down I know she is capable and if she is so am I.  I can take on this special task, I will support her and encourage her, and I love her through life.  I will do everything I can to make sure she can reach her maximum potential. I will do everything I can for my family.  Why me?  Why not!   

Touched

When you walk in the room
touch me
with just your presence
Touch me
when I'm afraid to ask
Touch me
when I ask
Touch me
with you hands
Touch me
with your lips
Touch me with your heart.

Too late....;-)

It's too late. You've already consumed me. There is no turning back from you,not now. My hands never letting go of yours

Scared

Nothing in this life's seems to have gone right. I'm trying so hard to break ties. Trying so hard to get away from the wrong. I've only associated love with extreme pain and fear. But I know it's not supposed to be that way. I spent too many years putting on a face to hide what was going on. No one is supposed to know. Hide. Always hide. Always do everything I can to stop the fear, stop the yelling, stop the threatening.  Don't complain. Don't say a word about what I want. I have no wants. I have no opinion. It's was of no value. It never was.  I lost friends,they went to the side because she "needed" me suddenly when I would make plans w them. Eventually I gave up. I tried to give what asked of me but it wasn't right...or it wasn't enough...there was just more yelling....and more threats....I couldn't do anything right....all I could do was break. I didn't know what to give. I didn't come first or second...or even THIRD! In anyone's life. See this was my entire life I just stay..because...apparently this is what I deserve....this is what I get....this is love....apparently. I stayed until the day baby girl says the words I am scared.  That's when I was done.  I walked away. Willing to probably never be w anyone I left. I walked away hearing her say no one will ever want to be with me, no one will ever put up w me, and certainly no one will love me. She ends w this is what I get. All the difficulties w raising my daughter alone and the financial burden of raising her alone. While she lived rent free.  But she was wrong....I think...I think....someone found me.  And despite all my broken pieces.....Together.... mind blowing
Now as I try to break ties...I'm horribly scared of those I need to break away from. What I've done over the past couple days is .....beyond frightening. The wrath and the backlash I'm so scared of. They don't tolerate this type of behavior from me.....its just not allowed....its not tolerated .....I don't want to be alone during this.....soooo scared....

How

How do I tell her I want to wrap her and hold her close in my arms? how do I tell her she is all I ever wanted? How do I tell her shes all I ever dreampt of? That I want to hold her hand from now till the end of time? That I want to stay in the moment and let right now be the beginning of forever? When can I tell her that last night was the last time she will have to sleep alone? How can I tell her that I have her back, that I will protect her and hold her close forever? How can I wait patiently when I know that forever is waiting just on the other of now? How can I keep my feelings from showing? I have to keep them in check... keep them in.

I'll hold her hand, I promise not to let go

 I can't promise every once in a while my feelings might show. I'll want to see her, How can I tell her? How can I look in to those beautiful eyes? I get lost in those eyes....I forget to breathe....

stolen

Stolen voice.
They reached inside and stole what was mine.
They never gave me the one thing that was freely mine, the heavenly spirit..
Some monsters come at night. Some in the day. Some monsters are created.
Leaving behind demons.
Missed opportunities.
Stolen time.
Never to happen again.

I found the love I've been looking for, I'll be still until the day she comes calling me home, until then my heart will have to wait. Im glad my heart wont have to break anymore.  My love lives in a place called far away.  sigh.
Ive exposed my flaws, Im not perfect, held together with bandages, sewed back together, glued, duct taped. I have my scars. Ive been knocked down so many times I've lost count, but Ive stood back up. Im a work in progress.
The only thing that is hard is being alone when I want to be with my love. When I want to hold her, kiss her, even just looking over and seeing her. Waking up next to her in this world makes it seem so much better.