Scared

Nothing in this life's seems to have gone right. I'm trying so hard to break ties. Trying so hard to get away from the wrong. I've only associated love with extreme pain and fear. But I know it's not supposed to be that way. I spent too many years putting on a face to hide what was going on. No one is supposed to know. Hide. Always hide. Always do everything I can to stop the fear, stop the yelling, stop the threatening.  Don't complain. Don't say a word about what I want. I have no wants. I have no opinion. It's was of no value. It never was.  I lost friends,they went to the side because she "needed" me suddenly when I would make plans w them. Eventually I gave up. I tried to give what asked of me but it wasn't right...or it wasn't enough...there was just more yelling....and more threats....I couldn't do anything right....all I could do was break. I didn't know what to give. I didn't come first or second...or even THIRD! In anyone's life. See this was my entire life I just stay..because...apparently this is what I deserve....this is what I get....this is love....apparently. I stayed until the day baby girl says the words I am scared.  That's when I was done.  I walked away. Willing to probably never be w anyone I left. I walked away hearing her say no one will ever want to be with me, no one will ever put up w me, and certainly no one will love me. She ends w this is what I get. All the difficulties w raising my daughter alone and the financial burden of raising her alone. While she lived rent free.  But she was wrong....I think...I think....someone found me.  And despite all my broken pieces.....Together.... mind blowing
Now as I try to break ties...I'm horribly scared of those I need to break away from. What I've done over the past couple days is .....beyond frightening. The wrath and the backlash I'm so scared of. They don't tolerate this type of behavior from me.....its just not allowed....its not tolerated .....I don't want to be alone during this.....soooo scared....