miles from here

I'm miles away

I've been changing the hard way

What I'm looking for are the answers today

To why these questions that never go away

Questions of how

How many years can I pretend?

So many years not knowing how to defend

No more holding it in

Feeling as though I had no choice

Feeling as though I had no voice

I’m not coming back to that town.

I've been changin' but you'll never see me now

I’ve been thinking

That feeling of sinking

Ive been letting go

Letting go of all that I know

No more sitting in this place

No more staying in this lonely space

I’ve been giving up.

I’ve been stuck

I’m now far away

Far from the games that were played

Far from where I used to be

Far from those who thought, they had me

Far from what once was

So glad I’m gone because

Now the road is paved

I know I've been saved

With sun shining on my pain

Showing my flaws, scars and shame

Watch me wave

Waving goodbye

Goodbye to yesterday

Nothing left in my way

Never wanting to look back

I have to know that I am on the right track

Feels so good to say

I'm so far away

I open my eyes and my heart

My arms part

I open to the wonder

I surrender

maybe

I've never been one to be bragged about
I was never one to be doted upon
I was never one to impress
I have a quick smile
Quicker to look away
My story like no other
My story is like everyone elses
Late at night I relive it my story.
Told all my days that I wasn't smart enough
That there wasn't a single beautiful thing about me
Mostly wishing there was a way to get away from the skin I was in
When I close my eyes I can still see it all
My hands get cold, I can still feel the fear in my heart.
I try for it to not to define me
I wanted to defy to voices that echo from those distant memories
I have wanted to dream big ever since I was little
Learning to live in the moment, for today.
not living with regrets.
I can laugh and smile and joke around
pretending like nothing has ever happened to me
sometimes while I  am busy pretending and moving past it all
the past creeps back in, in the most unusual ways.
I know the importance of talking, the importance of actual communicating
But showing my weakness to anyone, can be so hard.
Showing fear, telling my stories, you will never know.
You dont know what it was like.
Have you ever felt something to the core?  Felt something good wash over you?
Felt something so evil that it sent your body shuddering?
Have you ever heard something that echos in your ears, wishing to god you were deaf.
You will never know.
I tried to move past, let it not define me.  I've used it to propel forward.
I may never be that someone to be proud of, I may not ever be that one gets doted on.
I may never be that one....to bring home.
It is a reality.  I can't separate the past from my present from my future.  Just as I cannot separate my daughter and I.  So i guess its all right.  Since there is nothing that can be done to change the past and there is nothing in the future that can ever change that.  So I guess it has to be all right.