climbing

I climb
and I ask myself can I do this? Is it possible?
If I climb this mountain, this huge mountain, what looks like an insurmountable mountain.... will I be done?
Oh sure close my eyes, take a deep breath, reach, step... but it doesn't take the mountain away.  it will never take the mountain way.
Because you know what happens?
I know because I climbed it.....
I stood on top after I had clawed my way to the top, scratched, bruised and exhausted and here is the secret of what is on the other side....
more mountains.
yup.
not grassy plains
no fields of flowers,
no creeks, streams or rivers,
more mountains.  rocky, jagged, with cliffs and peaks
that require more climbing and more clawing.
So I ask myself "Do I think I can do this? Is this possible?"
I ask myself every time I think about it.....  ok that sounds horrible, that sounds dramatic.  but every time an image comes across my mind and I find I can't breathe I end up asking myself those questions.  I know I'm supposed to think of my family. I know I'm supposed to think of my plans that i have in place. I know. and each week the doctor lady asks me "So how are things?"...i feel bad like Im supposed to say "Great i'm all healed. its fantastic. thanks.  i'm all good." She asked me "What do you think about the new exercise when you have these thoughts?"...Decided to answer honestly...I said "Overwhelmed.... there are allllllll these thoughts..... compared to this one little thought......its overwhelming."
I'm not sure its possible.  It seems the path from here to there, from this kind of darkness to the light, from this kind of pain to relief and joy.