breathe in and exhale

I need to breathe.  I need to remember to breathe.... in and out....in and out....minute...by minute.  I am not enjoying this feeling.  I need to escape this feeling.  I need to get away from it.  I can't risk the possibilities.  I'll take Emma and escape.  I don't know how I will sleep with my stomach in knots and lump in my throat, my heart racing and thoughts going through my mind of what if.  Those cold dead eyes and evil voice that will forever echo in my ears.  How do I risk remaining here on my own, so isolated, as I have no friends and no family here? My only connection here my only sense of safe and security is not here.   Its hard to imagine opening myself up to that vulnerability and possible exposure when I can just run.