tomorrow

Have you ever reached that point in your life where tomorrow scares you? It leave you without a single breath in your lungs, it literally feels as though youre being suffocated by some sort of invisible being?  Have you ever reached that point in your life where there's a lump in your throat?. You can't speak?. There are no words to express wants or needs or appreciation. Have you ever been to that point where supposed friends or family offer nothing more judging words and harsher criticism than a helpful supportive comment. Have you ever been at that point in your life? And then add in the fact that there is a little girl who is so dependent on her routines and on her consistent surroundings and the fact that non of that is there.... And that I'm dealing with the moment to moment deluge of her behavior challenges during this time while she struggles with this most difficult of circumstances. None of this is optimal. Dealing with her angry outbursts and impatience is a struggle under normal circumstances by myself but this, this is in no way even a shade close, this is a whole different crayon box. Late at night after I put her to bed I close my door to my bedroom and just let it out the fear and anger. I try to let it go and try to swear it off.  But only to wake the next morning after a couple hours of sleep, in a cold sweat, feeling my heart pounding, beating against my chest, so fast it's like a race car. My hands are cold and clammy, trembling. So I don't hold anything, that way no one notices     Have you ever been there?. Probably not. You probably couldn't understand.