so my doctor

So the doctor tells me today, you should make an end of life arrangements.  While you still can. while you are of sound mind.  im like ok...with a special needs child...that is no easy thought.  these are no easy arrangements.  If I die, my daughter would go back to my ex spouse. the other parent who was abusive. the other parent who isolated us, the other parent who would turn our world upside down on a dime. the person who went into fits of rage if her things were touched.  the person i would beg and beg for hours right up until fifteen minutes before we were set to leave to go to my brothers to please let us all go. the same person my daughter is scared to be left alone with.   my ex will sign off complete custody. No more shared custody   My daughter is the one and only gift I have  received in my life that i have that is most cherished.  she is pure love. she is the result of every hope and every dream i have ever had since i could remember such things.  thinking now that i have to figure out an end of life plan....where she should go and how.... where????  no wants her.  no like literally.  so i cant die.no matter how bad my depression gets, no matter how bad my anxieties become, no matter the autoimmune disorder gets.....i can't leave this earth. 

ALONE

I am alone. I am scared.  I have never been so scared in my life before.  I am far from anything I know.  People here are duplicitous.  I cant trust anyone.  I have my daughter to look out for.  I have no one.  This is as bad as it gets.  I am on my knees.  I can't do this.  There is no way possible.  I don't see any options.  There is no end of the tunnel. There is no light.  What i thought I had I do not. What i thought I could do I can't.  Every door I thought there was there is not.  Every thing I thought I had is gone.  Everything I thought I could count on left.  My voice has left.  I am sick.